The Beginning..

So, it has been over 10yrs that i started writing. Though at a very intermittent rate. But as far as I remember, writing piqued my interest when I was in the 11th grade. I still remember it quite vividly. I had some random thoughts going in my head after reading some articles on Iron Maiden, my favorite band (to this date as well). I Loved the way the band expressed their views using songs. I had never before tried my hands on writing anything except the one off essays in our language exams.
Various thoughts came to me, on how to go about it, I still have almost half a dozen rejected couplets with me which I never could delete. Finally one day, I don't remember which exactly, but it was a cold morning, I was early to our computer practicals, at 6.45AM, for a 7.10AM class. So I found myself standing alone, staring at the main gate of the college. 15 minutes for the gate to even open!
Standing there, alone, with my thoughts, I wrote something on the notes application of my good 'ol series 60 Nokia 7210.
For the first time in around a month, words came to me on their own, It was the like a fluid transition of thoughts into words. And when I finished it, man that felt good! I immediately sent a copy of it to a friend who like me was trying to write and compose things. And he liked it too! Little did I know that in a week or two he would send me an audio file with the first composed version of it. Damn that was a great feeling. And it sounded awesome as well. Good enough that I still have it on my phone! And for better or for worse, that is where it all began! I found a way to express my thoughts, be it my happiness, sadness or venting out my frustration. Writing gave me an outlet that an introvert like me did not have.
So here goes nothing, the song that started it all for me, Unchanted Souls!!

(verse 1)
Unchanted Souls...
The unearthly powers begins to gain,
Easing, Releaving; scars of the pain
You try to run away but the forces holding you back...

(chorus)
Unchanted souls...
Flying all over..
And you feel like breaking the barrier...
You feel Like breaking now!

(verse 2)
And as you see the darkness taking over the sun,
You know now that it was not just fun...
and finally begin to understand,
What great destruction you've brought to your hand!

(chorus)
Unchanted souls...
Flying all over..
And you feel like breaking the barrier...

(bridge)
Inside the soul is weeping,inside it must not remain... (x2)
Let it out and see what we see, just more misery and more pain..

Now I see the Sun..!

One cannot always cower in the darkness

No matter how soothing it be

No matter how comforting the cold of night is

Life cannot be lived out in the shade

The dark is a nice and quiet place

For people who love to be alone it is almost a heaven

The cold is addictive like any other drug

The more you stay the more you want it

Talking to no one speaking nothing

You feel a new sense of empowerment

But this is a falsehood of a grand order

The body goes numb and the mind dulls

As this goes on, the shade becomes your new home

You feel it's feeding you, when the reality is that it's feeding on you!

Once in a while getting out and feeling the sun is important

To get some chaos in your blood and feel that adrenaline

A smile every now and then isn't a bad thing!!

Agitated Soul

Head spinning, a dreadful thought

Even though everything seems so normal

Why does this buzz not going away

This sense of sadness, loneliness

You know you're not alone

Why is it that everything seems hollow

Emptiness creeping in, why?

No one to listen or is it that you can't talk

Why does this burden weigh so heavy

Shoulders drop low

Even a hint, no one knows!

No solace or respite from this it seems

Why to even try fight it you think

Sitting alone in a crowd of known faces

Mind running too fast to grasp

Looking around in hope

Everyone's busy driving home

Their own misery

Wishing only an ear to hear you out

But not a single one free

All plugged in different machines

Even the darkness of closed eyes

Does not make you feel calm

A forced Hi, a fake smile,

A chat with a close friend

You do it all to seem normal

Dragging it on as long as you can

But deep down the cloud is getting darker

Haal

Nikle the duniya ko badalne

Par haal hua kuch aisa

Duniya ne humko hi badal dala

Socha tha kaam karenge kuch aisa

Ke itihaas bhi yaad kare

Par haal hua kuch aisa

Khud hi itihas ke panno me kho baithe

Leke gaye dil apna hatheli par

Aaj pyaar ka ikraar karna tha

Par haal hua kuch aisa

Ussi haath pe rakhi bandha baithe

Dosti nibhayi bina kuch soche samjhe

Dost nahi parivar the vo mere

Par haal hua kuch aisa

Humne to sabko diya kandha

Par humko sahara dene wala koi na mila

Mind

Sometimes when I sit and wonder

Wonder what's dragging me down

Hanging by my feet, what's it all about

The mind wanders someplace far

The body, dead lying in wait

The powers to bring back what's lost

Is something the heart yearns for

But the mind knows it's futility

And so it wanders

It wanders for a meaningful solution

Solution for this never ending pain

A lingering, subtle never ending pain

That cannot be described 

In the farthest reaches

It sees a light,

Could that be the answer

Alas, nothing but a fragment

Fragment of an old memory

A happy memory,

One that has been muzzled down

Why? It does not even remember

With nothing but void,

It starts to ascend, one layer at a time

A loud noise buzzing in a distance

Slowly approaching

And bam I wake up to the alarm!!

Random Musings!

Where should I start from? It seems like only couple of months ago that I got the on boarding mail! The formalities that we went through at Lalit. And the training's! Made such good friends with few people! Then my first project. Probably became the star of my GFT batch as I was the first one to get hardlocked! :D 
First day of the project, leaving all my friends behind, I was quite nervous. But slowly it came to me that leaving people behind or people leaving you behind, is one of the most important things to learn from here! And I must say my hopes were quite dashed once I learnt that it was an internal infra project with no on-site component as such! :(
Nonetheless, learned a lot, made friends here too, and again few left; either to pursue higher education, new jobs or projects. I sucked at manual testing, but some luck and my lead pushed us onto automation. This is where I found the path I would follow for probably the rest of my IT career. And I am thankful to her for that. A year down; won an innovation contest creating an automation framework, got promoted, got an invite to join the dev team for showcasing my "dev skills" during the innovation contest. But refused, as I did not want to work on SharePoint.
The next year spend in polishing my manual testing skills and learning new things in automation. But soon figured out that to grow I needed to move on. Got Rolled-off from there and into an automation capability project, which again was an internal infra project! What Luck! Learned a lot about framework development, again made new friends but somewhere I knew I needed a jump. Gave a random interview and to my surprise cleared it with quite some ease. A month later I found myself putting in my exit! So here I am today, 27th of April 2018, receiving my last Accenture "Salary", remembering the first one that I received, on the 6th of September 2015! The excitement, that feeling of independence! I will surely never forget it! These little over 30 months have been full of memories, learnings and fun! And also some friendships for life...well, hopefully!

Untitled!

Sitting in a dark room
You look around
A dark lump of flesh
Moving in the corner
Is it alive or
Is it not
Why is it so difficult
You think
To say it out loud
Why is it so bad
You think
To move it about
The thing moves closer
Closer than you know
With every passing second
You look at it again
It seems to look back
You smile and let it
Take over

Wondering...

Sometimes it's difficult to explain what's going on in the head. Sometimes only a look is enough. Why does this happen I wonder. The complexity baffles me to no extent. Can something be so simple and yet so complex at the same time?
Sometimes it's a fight between saying it and keeping quiet. How does one know the choice they made is correct? It's obviously after it's either all gone wrong or when things start to fall into place. In both the circumstances the decision cannot be reversed. Then why is it that the decision itself becomes so troublesome? Neither the pain or the happiness will be everlasting. Then why does one have to think so much?
Countless contradictions. How do we decide what's right and what's wrong? What's true and what's false? They say victors decide the truth and truth births righteousness. So truth becomes an idea that was molded by numerous victor's over the millennia. And so there cannot be one definite truth in existence.