In Progress..!!

Couple of years ago, I started writing a "Novel"... I had just began writing as an expression of my thoughts. This novel was a story that couple of us friends discussed about few years prior with manga as a base. The story was indian but the type of storytelling would be mangaish. So one fine day I put the pen to paper, or rather fingers on the keyboard.

I finished about 3 chapters or 30 - 40 pages worth in a week. I was motivated as hell and water to create something that I would be happy reading! Now, years later, it's still at the same point. What happened you'd think! Well, the story was about mythology and friendship and working together to overcome adversities. Your regular manga style. I still have the storyboard in my head. But I couldn't put it out as a story after the point I had to write about friends and group dynamics. 

I pondered a lot about it but never could find relatable material. In the end it boiled down to my own inability to be a good friend. It's not like I haven't tried, but I couldn't ever see myself as being a good friend to anyone. The more I tried the more I fucked up, one way or the other. But I also know a few times when I was honest with my intentions and it fired back. This I think manifested in me not being able to write about a friend group and how the dynamics would work. Because for me writing fake characters is one thing but taking their emotions is another. All my write-ups, though not being refined or superbly written, have one thing that I take pride in, that they are honest in the emotions that they convey and I would not want it anyway other than that.

Back then I was adamant to make it work like how I imagined. Now I think, maybe I'll need to rethink the entire approach. I was too stubborn back then. To change that thought process was very difficult. The novel is stuck. Because of my handicap. Will it forever be the same? I'm not sure. Will I try to approach it in a different way? Why not, maybe soon.

Rewind

So recently I went through dozens of my scribbled notes(doc files of course). The oldest being from the late 2000's! By someway or the other I've managed to keep them safe. A number of them are unfinished pieces of stories, few lines of a poem that I never finished and some that express my thought process during those days.

And I went ahead and opened the piece I liked the most in edit mode, to try and finish it so that I could post it up on the blog. I sat there, reading it and then simply staring at it for a good 15mins or so before I closed it. Those feelings, that point of view, was lost. I wasn't in the same phase of my life to conjure up the same thought processes. It was a reflection of me! And I thought best to leave it as is..

Writing for me, as I have always maintained is not a hobby. It's a release mechanism. So everything I write goes down to what I was feeling at that moment in time when I wrote it. That would also describe why my write-ups are so disparate in nature.

Anyway the point of this one was to leave one of such notes behind for myself. To come back and read. They have helped me a lot of times. To connect with myself. Especially when I was charting troubled waters. From being a personal note this is going up on the blog, for those who stumble upon it by chance or fate. We leave a lot of ourselves behind in trying to be what others perceive of us.

Going back a few years and finding out your perspective back then definitely freshens up the one's outlook of the current times. It might be old write-ups like in my case, or maybe photos or videos or a scrapbook. Whatever you used to bind your memories into. Something that will take you back to those older times when you weren't what you are now! And I'm not saying that you will a 100% find your way out of your mess, but that it will surely give you a fresher perspective on how to deal with things around you!